Like this:

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” — Neil Gaiman

 

Heartbreak should be my middle name. 

I am a person who trusts. I am a person who loves. I am a person who enjoys being in a relationship. I love the feeling of having someone to love, who will love me back. Although there are times when I have been single, and loved it more than anything – deep down inside I will always want to be someone’s “girl.” I believe that these parts of me have caused me a lot of pain and suffering, because I trust people so openly and give the full, true me in relationships, that when they come crashing down, I am left in the rubble wondering “what just happened?”

I pride myself in being a hopeless romantic, who never gives up on my happily ever after. I have watched my brother and sister grow up and be with these amazing people (V and Randy), and I can’t help but be envious of what they have. I have tears in my eyes as I write this, because although I put up a tough facade, I wish so deeply that I had someone to love like they have, it makes me cry. I had always thought I was going to be the first person in the family to be married, because I was the one who always put themselves out there in terms of dating and relationships, and I wanted it the most over both Steve and Beth. I always thought I was going to follow in line with my parents and get married very young and have kids in my young 20′s. I mean, Mr. Right isn’t that hard to find……… right?

Steve and Veronica met in high school, and married each other at 20 and 21 years old. I had never really pictured Steve in a relationship until he was old, because he was so focused and driven in high school, he didn’t have time for girls. He was a classic “motor head” and “band geek.” The day I knew Veronica was going to be my future sister in-law was the day she sat out in the shop with Steve while he worked on a car. I loved that she would rather sit around watching him work on a piece of junk car, than be at home without him there. It makes my heart swell. They are such a lovely couple, and I am so happy to have them in my life. Veronica is this amazingly smart woman with a heart full of joy and compassion. Steve is a phenominally talented man, and he is filled with such joy and energy, it makes me envious. They will make wonderful kids and I have no doubt that their genes together are going to make the next generation of Einsteins.

Beth is also a person who I didnt see in a relationship until later. She is a woman who stands up for herself and speaks her mind, whether you want to hear it or not. I honestly didn’t know who was going to be able to keep up with her and the mood swings she had a few years back. Then Randall came along, and he has been a blessing to her. They compliment each other in a way that I can’t even begin to describe. It is amazing, the steps they have taken together as a couple, to grow and mature into these young adults that stand before me today. Beth keeps my heart beating when I feel like it just wants to stop, and I couldnt ask for a better man for her than Randy. I am excited for the day when she tells me she is finally engaged, and for the day when she walks down the isle in her beautiful white gown, and I get to see my little sister become Mrs. Randall Syrstad. 

I have had numerous opportunities to be with men who were “almost” Mr. Right. I feel like I could settle for something a little short of what I saw as perfect, but these people and their stories stop me in my tracks. I have them to thank for my future husband, whoever he may be, because if it werent for the amazing examples I have had in my life, I may have never had the chance to be with him.

My mom and dad, and my grandma and grandpa Hill are the quintessential couples in my book. They have such a deep love for each other, that shows every single day. I see love in my parents eyes when they see each other after work, when they go out to dinner with the family, when they are watching the TV together, goofing around, working around the house, talking on the phone to each other, even when they are fighting, going out on a date, and everything in-between. They dont just say “I love You,” but they show it on a daily basis. My parents and grandparents have taught me how important it is to have faith and friendship at the foundation of your relationship, and I couldnt agree with them more. Both of the men that are held so highly in my book started out with questionable faith. The women and their parents stood up for their beliefs in faith and being saved, and both my father and grandfather stepped up to the plate to become what they needed to be to be worthy of marrying these women. 

I have hope for my future, because I know that God has the perfect man out there for me. I have struggled with the failed attempts at happily ever after….. Andy, Connor, Ricky, and more; some leaving with a bigger chunk of my heart than others. Nonetheless, I have learned from each and every heartbreak I have endured, and believe that each time I have been given the opportunity to grow from that experience and see why God put them in my life. Regrets are evident in some, and if I could go back, I might do things differently to protect myself from the eels, dux and tinmen of my time. 

So to the amazing examples of true love I have witnessed closely, or from afar, thank you. Thank You for showing me what I have to look forward to, and for keeping my hopeless romantic heart together enough to keep my fairytale ending alive….

 

♥ 

Marilyn & Kermit. Paul & Ginny. Steve & Veronica. Beth & Randy.

Jeff & Katrina. Sam & Rachel.

Duane & Chris. Lindsey & Dan. Kari & Donny. Steph & Brandon.

Amelia & Oljas. Mark & Deb. 

Anitrina & Grant. Jill & Josh. Autumn Rose & John.

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